Episode 35 - The 5 D's of Doom

 
 

Afraid to start a new business even though you feel so discontent in your current job? My guess is, you're facing the 5 Ds of Doom. 

As a mom of 7 kids, I have a million excuses to not focus on my business. The laundry, homeschooling, housework, my health- these could all distract me from my financial goals. 

Finding success in life is all about who you surround yourself with and taking control of your emotions to just get it done! 

As I say in the episode, "Start today. Do it ugly. Go hard. Don’t look back." 

Be sure to listen to Episode 36, which relates perfectly with this episode- All about the 4 C’s of Success.

  • There's a lot of discouragement, uh, between family and friends, you know, maybe you want to start an online business and they've got opinions and boy, are they free with them. And sadly, a lot of you will listen to the opinions of complete strangers online and then take whatever they say as like, oh, well, that's the truth.

    This is To The Nines Podcast. I am your host Tiffany Wicks, a mom of seven who doesn't subscribe to the idea that you have to choose between your family and a career. I am on a mission to show the stay at home mom who has lost herself in childcare and Cochamelan. And the overworked corporate holdout who isn't finding joy and purpose in their career that they can work for themselves, making an impact in an income that serves your dream life.

    After leaving my nursing career to raise our family, I needed more mental stimulation, but didn't want to give up the privilege of raising our legacy. I've been in network marketing now for five years. I know the strategy and mindset it takes to be successful and to live a life aligned with your values and your purpose.

    Join me as I share my business tips, marketing mistakes, attitude shifts. You need to space out some time for you or ditch your nine to five completely and start working for yourself. You have the power to change your life. Let's get started. This is just the beginning.

    Welcome back to the podcast. I am alive, barely. I think I still sound nasally this week, and I'm still like. And it's just a ridiculous amount of snot accumulation. But the worst part is it's like all the way in the back of my nasal cavity. So this production, it's just going straight down the back of my throat.

    It's the grossest thing ever. I know you guys did not sign up for that kind of crap today, but I did want to give you a health update. So there you go. Um, I don't know what this thing was, but it has stuck with me now. I mean, I lost count. What has this been, a month or something? Ridiculous. And I'm annoyed.

    Annoyed would probably be the best phrase right now. Alright, but as far as energy, I mean, the energy's fine. I'm working out again. I mean, as fine as you can be for not sleeping a full night in over five, well, about five months now. Uh, Roman will be five months old in a few days. So yeah, one day just slowly creeps and rolls into the next without any distinction between the two.

    It's kind of like I lay down and then I'm like, Oh, and I'm right back up again. And it feels like there's not been a natural break between days or even months. Um, so anyway, it's a strange time of my life where I'm loving, you know, what could very well be and likely be our last baby. But at the same time, I'm like, dear Lord.

    I need to sleep. So if we could just have this baby sleep a little bit more, that would be amazing. I mean, even if I got five or six hours straight of sleep, that would be incredible. And then, you know, wake up for a hot minute and maybe go back to sleep for another couple hours, but that's not, that's not happening right now.

    So, speaking of being in a place of, oh, not exactly thriving. So what I'm going to talk about is the four D's of doom today. And what those are, are, it's the root cause, really, the reason why you're not doing more. Um, aside from being exhausted, if that's where you're at, I get you. But, if that's not it, and you don't have a newborn, um, that, and I don't even know if he's a newborn at five months old, doesn't matter.

    I have a baby. Um, if that's not you. Here it is. One of the more common reasons that you're not doing anything or doing what you want to be doing is because you're discouraged. There's a lot of discouragement between family and friends, you know, maybe you want to start an online business and they've got opinions and boy are they free with them.

    And sadly, a lot of you will listen to the opinions of complete Complete strangers online and then take whatever they say. It's like, oh, well that's the truth. Because Sally over there in Hendersonville, Tennessee said, so it was like, do you even know Sally? Have you even met this girl? You haven't. I have no idea why you give a hot damn.

    But people do. So, you're just discouraged. There aren't enough people within your sphere of influence that are winning. So, you think it's impossible. Well, if they're not doing it, it must not be happening. Wrong. It is happening. You just are not around the right people. Okay, so get into a better circle of people who are winning, and I promise you they are going to lift you up.

    Okay, and I need to like record scratch for a minute saying they're going to lift you up. All right, side note, little side story here, we're going off on the trail. Recently, there was a woman who copied and pasted a Facebook post of mine. Um, and it was, you know, it was a marketing post. I was talking about my coaching, um, offer and she copied, pasted, put it on hers and sent it out into the world.

    Well, I'm scrolling Facebook, um, not just mindless scrolling. It was timed scrolling, like, okay, who, you know, have I not interacted with all the things that you do when you work online. And uh, I saw this post and I was like, great content. What and I started looking at I was like wait a hot minute and I looked back at my own I'm like, that's my content.

    I am positive of it and sure enough I took a screenshot of it of both of them and mine was from the end of December and hers was like 40 minutes prior I was like dude, she copied and pasted my Facebook post, like word for word, didn't share it from my platform, didn't give me credit, didn't tag me, nothing, just took my ideas and sent it off as if it were her own.

    Now listen, I know AI is a big thing right now in social media, especially people are writing all their captions with AI, they're creating all their content through AI. I don't do that. And I know, I know there's probably a coach out there that's like, you ought to, it would save you time. Um, and get you, you know, you know, captions that convert and I'm, I mean, I'm sorry you guys, I can't, I just can't give into the AI thing.

    A, I disagree with it. And b, I think that takes away this whole, I mean, aren't we here to be authentic? Um, that's not very authentic if you're just using AI to come up with your copy. So anyway, I don't do it. I work really hard to really think and use my brain, um, and expand, you know, my level of influence with people, and she just took it and used it as her own.

    Well, originally, I wasn't going to DM her, I wasn't going to make a thing about it, but I wanted her to know that I saw it, so I commented, and you just DM me, tell me if you think I'm a child here, but I commented on it, and I said, Hey, great content! And I did like a winky eye emoji. And it was just like, hey, I see this, and it was, you know, like, it could have just, any passerby would have thought, oh, it's a compliment.

    Well, I'm on Facebook again today, creating my content, and of course her name pops up, because I spent, um, a minute on her page, like, flabbergasted, that, does anyone even say flabbergasted anymore? I just did, that, she had my stuff on there, and I looked, and she deleted the comment. I was like, okay, Now we're going into DM land.

    So I did, I DM'd her and I said, Hey, listen, um, I saw the post. That was my content. You know, it was, um, just for some creator etiquette here. I'll tell you the better way to do that would have been to share that post directly from my profile and say that it inspired you, whatever. Or copy paste it, but tag me and say, Hey, this was hers originally, but I thought it was great.

    And I wanted to share it. I said, those are two ways to do it. And, and here's what I said. I said, it will create a better person, a better marketer and a better coach. If you come up with your own content or if you're going to share it, then reshare it, you know, responsibly, like, you know, give credit to the creator.

    She messages me back and says, she's offended that I said she wasn't a good person. I was like. What? I never said you weren't a good person. I said you will be a better person if you follow this line of etiquette with other creators. She said, I thought we were being uplifting. So that's how I got into this little side trail here, was I said get around people who are doing better than you and they're going to be uplifting.

    She said, we're supposed to be uplifting one another. I was like, I did uplift you. I said, come up with your own shit, lady. I didn't say, steal my stuff. That's not uplifting. That's stealing my intellectual property. And yes, I know, it is a public Facebook post. However, if you are not an online creator, you don't understand the etiquette.

    But that is the proper etiquette. All right, moving on. The next D of doom for you is that it's gonna be delayed. Um, and it's likely far more delayed than you would like to imagine. I am full up in that camp, okay? And so that you know, all right, true transparency here, I sit within all of these Ds every single damn day.

    Every day. I don't know that there's a single day that has gone by that I don't sit with one of these D's and maybe even all five of them, but I do. So, there are days where I'm discouraged. And there are days where I'm like, oh my gosh, how much longer until I reach the goals that I've set for myself? I mean, it doesn't really matter, right?

    Because as soon as I reach those goals, if you know anything about me, I'm just gonna move the goalposts back. But, it would be awesome to actually reach it. First, so you're discouraged because what you want is delayed. It's taking longer than you thought it should, and I don't even know what that means.

    What does it mean? It's taking longer? It's taking longer than it should. Like, who gets to decide how long it takes? What do you mean it should? Like, it's taking longer for you than it took for Katrina? Well, are you Katrina? Are you in her same circumstance? Do you have the same people around you? Like, it's not even comparable.

    You can't compare yourself to anybody else. And I have recently been stuck in that whole wheel, like, you know, I've been a little bit of a, little bit of a case over here. Alright, another D that's holding you about is doubt. You doubt, and I have also doubted, I just talked to Adam about this two days ago, where I was like, No, shut up.

    That was today. That was today. He called me and I was like, it's impossible. I can't do it. He's like, what? I mean, I don't even know where he is. Washington DC, something like that. I said, it's impossible. I cannot be a mother to all these kids and homeschool them and reach my financial business goals. Like, it's impossible.

    It takes everything just to correct everyone. All day long, because between seven kids, okay, I'll say six, because Roman doesn't really count, he's a baby, he's not doing anything wrong, but between six kids, there is something to correct pretty much all the time, and he just, I don't know, I think Adam's gotten to a point where he's like, okay, he just lets me get it out, he's like, alright, so go ahead, go create your content, and let's just keep moving, and I'm like, yeah, okay, and then I just keep going, but sometimes I just want to be validated, I want to be heard, and I just want to get this Crap off my chest and he is amazing with that.

    So thank you, honey. All right, so you doubt you doubt that It's gonna happen for you. You are So full of the discouragement the delay like doubtful that You know your ships ever gonna come in that God's gonna give you that shock that you've been looking for Well, I can tell you what if you show up with that kind of energy, which is discouraged and you know Doubtful.

    People are going to feel that. They're going to smell that a mile away and they're going to be like, Okay, this girl is not, you know, attached to what she's doing. This dude really isn't going to see things through. I'm going to shop elsewhere. Alright, your next D is disappointment. Oh my gosh, how many times have you sat, or maybe you haven't sat in disappointment.

    That is a huge issue, okay? People do not like to be disappointed, nor do they like to sit and feel their disappointment. They will numb out of that in a minute. So, TikTok scrolling, Insta scrolling, um, eating, drinking way too much alcohol, watching Netflix, sex, I mean, anything will distract you from your level of disappointment in what you have not accomplished.

    Alright? If you're feeling disappointed, it's really okay, because no one is going to turn up aces every single time. Zero people will do that. Okay? Sit with your disappointment. Admit it. Be in it, and then let it flow out of your body. Say, okay, yeah, that disappointment really just, oh, it's like, I feel it mostly in my chest.

    So, you definitely need to get into the, uh, habit of feeling, figuring out where in your body are you feeling the disappointment. Does it come in your throat? Is it in your chest? Um, is there a color? Is there a temperature? Like, what does this feel like? And for me, I usually feel it in my chest, and it feels heavy, and it feels cold, like, Oh, like somebody said an ice block on my chest.

    Like that's how disappointment feels for me. So I've learned to sit with that disappointment and then I only give it a day. I've always only given it a day. Maybe it only needs an hour, but I think you need to time limit that disappointment so that a week later when somebody says, so how's it going with your business?

    You're like, I'm just so disappointed. I haven't done anything in a week. Like, a week? No, dog. Come on. You can't do that. You have got to get up and keep moving. So, time bound, your disappointment. Alright, next thing, I kind of alluded to it just a few minutes ago, uh, is distraction. You are, oh my. Gosh, you are so good at distracting yourself.

    Oh, the laundry needs to be done. True. The dishes need to be done. Also true. Um, the car needs its oil changed. Yes. Yes. Like, all of that is true. It all does need to be done. But does it need to be done right now? Talk about time bounding things. Have you thought about a timer? Have you thought about a planner?

    Have you thought about time blocking? Now, I say all these things, but do I actually time block my day? No, I don't because I can't I am here alone with seven kids almost every day I mean Adam's been home for a few weeks, but I mean you guys the workload Never feels and this is gonna sound horrible. Don't take it like this the workload doesn't feel much lighter when he's here and it's not because he's not doing anything because He is.

    He's outside like cleaning gutters. He is building things in the barn. He is like putting up lights in our gym. I mean, he is like mainly Mr. Taxi. He's taking kids to and fro while I'm here cooking and trying to clean and managing little people and breastfeeding. Like he is doing the damn thing. He is not just sitting on his butt.

    But the workload is just so incredibly great in our family. That I could distract myself right out of a business in a minute. If all I did, okay, and people say it It's true that mothering is a full time job all by itself. True, true, true. I could spend all of my attention Just on the kids, the home, and the family, and it would take up every single minute of my day.

    So when people say, I'm too busy for this, it's like, yeah, I know, so am I. And, like, make a point here. Of course, of course you're too busy. I'm too busy. We're all too busy. Because families are busy. Uh, I guess if your kids are in school, mine aren't, but I guess if they're in school, you have a, I don't know, pretty lengthy block in the middle of the day, I'd say, that you could get a lot done.

    But, you don't, because you distract yourself, you're doubtful it's gonna happen, you're discouraged by your lack of progress, so you delay doing anything, and then you just sit there disappointed, eating Cheetos on the couch, at 2pm. Sound about right? Alright, so, how do we change it? Okay, I would love to give you some practical advice, and be like, step one, here's what you do.

    This is the advice nobody wants. Just do it. Geez, stop bitching about it. Stop complaining. Stop coming up with every single excuse in the world why you can't. Start looking at how you can. Maybe you can't spend 30 minutes on social media. Fine, spend 20. Maybe you absolutely cannot get that, you know, recording done for your podcast, for a 30 minute episode.

    Okay, don't. So do 15 minutes. Do 20 minutes. I mean, this is about to wrap up here. And I told my boys out there holding the little boy. And I was like, it's not going to be any more than 20 minutes, buddy. Promise you just look at the baby and make funny faces. He'll smile. It'll be great. And that's exactly what he's doing.

    If you can't do 10 push ups, then do 4! I mean, just quit it already! Ugh, I'm so overdrawn and frustrated with the I can't do something. You're right, maybe you can't, but what can you do? Please, start focusing on what you can do, what is possible, what is within your grasp and your reach, and then reach for it.

    It's called reaching for a reason. It doesn't mean grabbing it, it means you're stretching, you're reaching. Reach, grab, stretch, elongate. Make your goals just slightly outside of where your fingertips can grab. and then stretch for it. And then when you get it, move that goalpost back. Do not sit with your D's of disappointment, delay, doubt, discouragement, and distraction.

    Do something about it. Start today. Do it ugly. Go hard. Don't look back. All right, y'all. You have a great rest of your week. Can't wait to see you back here next week. Ciao.

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Episode 36- The 4 C's of Success

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Episode 34- 7 New Year "Change Your Life" Challenges